A Girl, a Whip, and One Happy Rooster
by Teika
Summary: This is my first completed fic, so please read it and review!! Basically, I had way too much time on my hands so I paid the cast of Rurouni Kenshin a visit!


A.N.- Yay! Someone's reading my story! Thank you! Um, that's all I had to say.

Disclaimer- I don't own Kenshin or Angel. So of you sue me you'll get about 11 cents and a button. Unless you need a button. Who knows nowadays, those buttons pop off when you least expect it...Oh, um, on with the story!

A.A.N.- Oh, I forgot. If things like me dressed up like a dominatrix offend you, I suggest you don't read this story. And you're a big ass if that does offend you. So there.

It was a normal day at the Kamiya Dojo. Kenshin was doing the laundry, Kaoru and Yahiko were training, and Sanosuke was drinking in the corner complaining about when lunch would be ready. Suddenly a whole buffet of food appeared in front of Sano.

"Where the hell did this come from?" Sano asked drunkenly.

Kenshin looks over with that cute little smile on his face, "Probably just another fanfic writer, Sano."

"Oi! Well, I better eat this before she or he changes his mind. You know how moody they can get," he said between bites.

HEY! A voice said grumpily.

"Look what you did now...." Kenshin said with fright. 

A girl in faded jeans and a blue tank top appears before them. She has frizzy brown hair and black rimmed glasses.

"Which one are you? I've never seen you before," Kenshin asked polite as usual.

"My name is Teika. I am a fan fiction writer," the girl said.

"Hey, if you're a fan fic writer, how come I've never seen or heard of you before?" Yahiko asked just relieved to be in the story.

While Teika turned a noticeable shade of red, Sano and Kenshin proceeded to drag Yahiko away and beat the crap out of him for saying such a stupid thing.

"She can still kick all our asses even if she is a newbie!" Sano hissed.

Meanwhile, Teika can be heard mumbling, "Just because I never actually published a story...just been having writers block, that's all...I'm still an author..." 

She then went over to the group and flashed a smile. "But that's why I'm here, you're going to help me publish a story!"

All three just stared at her and said, "what?"

"Well, since I've been having trouble writing, I figured you could maybe demonstrate some ideas for me."

"Okay, I guess we can help you out, (plus)" Kenshin added to Sano."(It never hurts to be on the good side of a fan fic author.)"

"Great!" She said with a mischievous smile on her face. 

"What do you want us to do?" Asked Yahiko, already regretting his decision.

"Um...um...um...maybe I should have thought of that before," she said sheepishly.

As Kenshin and Sano fall over, a chair appears and Teika sits down to think of something...

5 hours later

"I got it!" Teika jumped up and shouted.

"What?" Asked Kaoru, appearing from no where.

"I never liked you, so you're going to disappear!" Teika said happily.

"Kaoru, no!" Shouted Kenshin as Kaoru disappeared into a cloud of smoke.

"Oh, shut up, Kenshin or else I'll put you in a Saitoh fic," she said with a suggestive raising of her eyebrow.

"Yes, ma'm," Kenshin whined meekly.

"Oi, didn't you want to have us show you something?" Sano asked.

"Oh, yeah! Now, what was I thinking?" Teika once again sat down to ponder over things.

2 hours later

Teika jumped up in a panic."We're missing someone!"

"Who?" Asked Kenshin.

"Aoshi and Saitoh! We need them to make this fic the best...EVER!" With the last word she thrust her arms in the air and put a determined look on her face.

"What's wrong with you?!" Yahiko shouted.

"Little boys are not allowed in my fic," she said, then with a devilish grin, " Yahiko-chan."

"Don't call me chan!" Yahiko screamed, jumping to knaw on her head.

"Poof! You're gone!" She said gleefully and Yahiko disappeared.

"Now, where do I find Aoshi and Saitoh?" Teika turned towards Kenshin.

"I, I...I don't know... master," Kenshin bowed down to her and with a kick from Kenshin, Sano bowed too.

"That's better! Good boys! You will now obey my every command." Teika said with suggestive smile and a dirty mind.

"Ok, we need Aoshi and Saitoh," she said looking around.

In the middle of the room, Aoshi appeared, naked. (A.N.- Oh, c'mon! Did you think I was going to miss the chance to make the sexiest guy in the series naked?) 

He looked around, quickly evaluating the situation. Teika was drooling and staring.

"These authors are usually annoying, but this is a first. Do you think I could get some clothes or at least a towel?" He said, although he seemed perfectly at ease in his birthday suit.

"Here," Teika said handing him a washcloth. She seemed to be having some trouble talking.

"So, what do they want this time?" Aoshi asked in his usual monotone.

Nobody said anything for a minute. Sano leaned over and whispered in her ear.

"Oh, um, I want you to be in my story." As she said this her eyes didn't leave a certain spot.

From behind them the sound of a match being lit is heard. 

As Teika turns around she is whispering, "please, oh please, let him be!" 

Saitoh stands there, fully clothed.

"Damn! But that can change. Muwahahahah!!!" She screams to the sky.

"We've got a really strange one this time." Saitoh said.

"You can say that again," Sano replied. 

"HEY!" Teika screeched.

"Aaahh! My ears! Stop!" Sano fell to the floor covering his ears.

"It's your decision big boy, you can be good and I'll be your best friend or you can be an ass and I'll punish you. Now that I think about it, that doesn't sound so bad. Please, continue." She said, a whip appearing in her hand.

"Excuse me? Maybe you could put the whip away; it's kind of extreme." Kenshin asked meekly, still terrified he'll get put with Saitoh.

As she turned to yell at him, Saitoh interrupted, "Hey, you don't seem so bad as far as authors go."

That immediately stopped her. "Saitoh thinks I'm not that bad. He hates everyone! This is the best day of my life. Who cares about Aoshi!" She said. "Thank God," Aoshi says in the background, still wearing a washcloth. "I love Saitoh!" She yelled, starting to run towards him. She stopped when she saw everyone staring at her with a confused look on their faces.

*Cricket, Cricket*

"Yeah, anyway...what was I saying?" Teika said to break the silence.

"When? You've said a lot." Aoshi stated.

"Are you going to actually need us?" Sano asked, still in pain.

"Oh, yeah. I've decided that I only need one of you to write my story. So, I'm going to have some one-on-one time with each of you to decide. Kenshin, you're first." She turned and walked into one of the rooms.

When he walked in the room, she was already sitting in a chair. There was one adjacent to her for him.

"So, I thought we start this out by just having a little talk about girls." Teika said.

"What do you mean?" Kenshin asked, his face already turning red.

"Oh, nothing like that, silly boy. Well, at least I now know you actually think about that stuff. Actually I wanted to know why all the girls in this series are so annoying." 

"Why do you think that? Kaoru-dono is a lovely young lady."

"Blah, blah Kenshin. Why she is annoying is that you both obviously like each other and everyone knows you are not going to make the first move. It's her responsibility to do it as a strong assertive woman. And you know the reason she's so bitchy is because she needs to get laid. Hint, hint."

"Wh...What? I don't think she's bitchy."

"Whatever! Anyway, the problem I have with Misao is she's an annoying little brat. Aoshi doesn't love you! Give it up already! Why would he love a child? I mean, I'm only 14 and I'm 10 times more mature than her. And Megumi? She flirts with you and Sano. Who does she like? No one knows. She's leading someone on."

"You're a very opinionated person."

"I know. Well, I think we're done here. Could you please send Sano in?" (A.N.- I know what you all thought I was going to do. But I do like Kenshin and Kaoru as a couple, even though I do do a lot of Kaoru bashing in here. But keep reading because I'm not such a good girl with everyone else!)

When Sano came in Teika was nowhere in sight.

"LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION. DO I MAKE YOU HORNY, BABY? DO I?" (Sorry, I just saw the third Austin Powers and I couldn't resist!) 

She appeared before him in a total dominatrix getup. She had the boots, the leather mini-skirt with fish net stockings, and this strappy black top. She had a whip in her hand and a sly look on her face. 

"What are you doing?" He asked.

"Me? I'm not doing anything. You are the one who is going to do everything I say."

And because I am not a porno writer, I'm going to leave what happens up to your dirty minds. Fast forward to when Saitoh is coming in.

"You know, smoking is very bad for you and it's disgusting. Perhaps you could stop?" Teika said.

"No"

"Maybe just while you're in here with me?"

"No. And stop telling me what to do."

"Yes, sir! You should punish me for what I said!" She said enthusiastically, a belt appearing in his hand. She bent over, still smiling like an idiot.

Now you may think something happened with Saitoh, but their time basically consisted of Teika trying to convince him to punish her and him just smoking and staring at her. Fast forward to Aoshi.

"You know Aoshi, I didn't mean it when I said I loved Saitoh. You're still my favorite."

" "

"So, what do you want to do?"

" "

"Um, we could play twister? Spin the bottle? 

" "

Ok. Or we could just sit here in silence."

And that's just what they did.

After Teika was done with everyone, they all gathered back outside.

"Well, this trip was disappointing. I only got to have fun with Sano." She said, frowning.

As the other guys turned to stare at him, she continued, "well, I think we're done here. I'm gonna to get going."

"Wait a second! I thought you were going to use one of us in your story," Kenshin spoke up.

"Oh, that? That was just an excuse to get you guys alone. Anyway, I already wrote my story."

"What?" They all said in unison.

"This. Everything that happened today is my story."

"Figures. That's the kind of thing that a fan fiction author does." Aoshi said, finally speaking again.

"Think what you want, but I have to go. My next story is going to have the cast of 'Angel' in it. But first I have to turn Angel evil. Muwahahahaha!" And with that last insane laugh, she was gone.

"Do you think I could have some clothes now?" Aoshi asked.

"Sure. C'mon, I have to get them out of my room." Kenshin said.

As Sano started to follow he asked, "what happened today?"

"I don't know, rooster. But let's just hope she never comes back."

A.N.- But I will come back, tomorrow!!! Anyway, Yay!!! I actually finished a story!! I hope nobody got offended, but if you did, WHO CARES?? Oh, and for anybody who doesn't know, the way to make Angel evil is for him to feel extreme pleasure. Do you get it now? Anyway, I hope you liked it, but even if you didn't, please review! PLEASE!!!! I need as many reviews as possible for my sensitive ego. Yeah, right! Even if you don't review, I know that my story is the best EVER!! Or at least the best that I've actually written. Whatever, same difference. -The one and only-

~Teika~


End file.
